Sound of silence..

And the vision that was planted in my brain..Still remains..Within the sound of silence..

“In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

“Fools”, said I, “You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you”
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of silence”

Simon & Garfunkel

I came across this line “if you hear carefully you can actually hear the sound of silence”. I automatically connected it to this classic. I have always believed in the the message this song conveys. It talks about unfinished business, swallowing words, unsettled scores, mute expressions.. It talks about city life and what they say about it.. cities are nothing more than thousands of people who are lonely together.. I don’t think one feels as alone in a quiet, desolate place where there is vibrance, spontaneity, genuine smiles, soft spoken words and the freedom, independence, and the sense of empathy and open mindedness so that there is no NOISE INSIDE AND SILENCE OUTSIDE.

Its like a ritual everyone seems to have mastered in their own way. Wake up wear your mask. masquerade around the whole day.. end your charade when you are on your own and start over.. I don’t see/feel any soul!

I look at people in clubs and restaurants greeting strangers with a gush of new found love and enthusiasm. They don’t fool me. Its unfortunate we resort to strangers and people we barely know and shots and fast cars to make us feel better about ourselves. Wish there was this sense of community where you know you can be your way, speak your mind, not be misunderstood, where good intentions are not judged, and good deeds do not go unacknowledged. The fear, the restraint, the scars never really fade.. They get embedded in the silence which not your heart but your existence validates.

I think this is how blogs started and made their way. Everyone wants to be earnestly heard and sincerely accepted. Anyway everything seems to be virtual.. things and people.. I don’t think there is any difference between reality and virtuality left.. Nothing is real and nothing is virtual and yet there is need to define a name, time, space for everything in life. Arrange things like lego blocks or rehearse like you were going up on stage and join the herd. Vanish in the crowd and become a nonentity.

“hearts and thoughts they fade away”- Pearl Jam

I always feel music and specially good song writing. I think they know, they see, they feel, they try to reach out way more than regular people. Such writing can stem only from deep and strong thought. first hand experience, close observations, overwhelming emotions and yes there is always a heartbreak involved in one way or the other. Only when your heart is shattered and you’re either in pain or recovering can it feel so much emotion and try to translate it to the world outside at large. Otherwise you are too busy being happy and seeing life with rose squinted glasses to take a step back and really think. Its when you don’t want to feel feelings do feelings leave u feeling helpless the most. When you have to try to “move on” or “get over it” and it doesn’t happen naturally like evolution and somewhere its urged or you are pushing yourself too hard.. it happens that your heart just gets busted..

So much so that you can hear whispers of the ghosts of the past, or drown the sounds of people around you, or press the mute button on the world moving outside your window.. and enter the sound of silence..

I wish we did not have to hear the stories that silence narrates.. most of them don’t have happy endings..


So cruel…

I disappeared in you
You disappeared from me
I gave you everything you ever wanted
It wasn’t what you wanted

You say in love there are no rules
You’re so cruel”


p.s. “We crossed the line.. Who pushed who over?
It doesn’t matter to you…It matters to me”

You don't know if it's fear or desire...Danger the drug that takes you higher..Head in heaven, fingers in the mire..


This isn’t a new emotion or the first time. But something tells me this time its worse.. the confusion, the maze and the decisions more irrevocable. I don’t know how the Japs do it but to have  minimal space and time for error makes it just too overwhelming. Specially when you sorta have been stumbling through life anyway.. The usual making plans, reworking plans, failing plans, and getting back to the drawing board.. I do think the so called ‘quarter life crisis’ is for real. The crossroads lead to very serious paths most one ways and the dilemmas just tear you apart..

You also know that these stages of indecisiveness are not a figment of your imagination as a lot of people around you too seem to share the same anxiety. I do not want to admit to an identity crisis but if it’s not this then what is it? You know you’re kinda leaving the age behind where you can continue being impulsive or careless or afford to wear your heart on your sleeve. Yet you haven’t reached that stage of understanding and non reluctant maturity to let go of “youth” as you know it. The fear of resigning to a predictable timetable life. Trading being lost for stability. Could that mean trading adventure for being still?

We all have interests we explore in hope of figuring out what interests can be translated into a sustainable career and match a skill set you gotta have naturally or acquired. That isn’t an easy tasks if your interests and the subjects that make you curious range through a bizarre variety of absolutely unrelated fields. But if the interests are genuine and backed up by pursuit of knowledge in those fields and great conversations with people in it make you realize that each one is real. I don’t know how keeping up with the history of rock, or updating myself on new and unexplored places to visit, or the architecture or design of buildings, bad attempts at travel writing, an insatiable passion for beers wines and cocktails, the charm of taking good pictures, the lame efforts at writing poems, the high of doing a start up, the desire to be successful in business yet make a significant contribution to the creative fields all underscored with a desire to eventually get paid to travel.. I dont think its wavering or its being crazy.. I think its appreciating diversity and constant pursuit of knowledge and a passion to learn.. So this crossroad(s) well become extremely difficult to merge..

On the personal front too its the same dilemma. To let go of your freedom for what seems like a refreshingly structured life for a meanderer. I do think that having boundaries or constraints or certainties imposed will automatically eliminate variables and dealing with constants is so much simpler. But then again what about well being on my own and doing my thing and the unaccountability. Reminds me of that line from my fave floyd song ‘wish you were here’- Did you exchange, a walk on part in the war.. for a lead role in a cage.. I don’t want to think I’m doing that..

And yes location does matter. For a wander luster it is important i chose what cities I live in, want to live in, may have to live in. How does one incorporate the importance of “places” into a ok this is it i gotta live here now kinda understanding..

P.S. Its official I’m lost! Where are the sign boards when you need them?

Hind sight/Fore sight/no sight